There are books out there that are more than satisfying to read. Somehow, they transport the reader to the place inside the story. Sucking us into the book, along with the characters, making us feel their every emotion, and every move. The Marbury Lens transported me into "Marbury", a desolate landscape, where the protagonist must answer questions about his inner heart. Who am I, and what is my purpose? Ripped out of innocence, and horribly thrust into real life, the lead character asks himself these questions, while traveling to another world in search of the truth. He is kidnapped, abused, kills someone, and is being chased to kill by his best friend in an alternate reality. His story takes twists and turns and all alongside the ghost of a boy who cannot talk. His voice rolls like a metal ball on a wooden floor.
I loved this book. It was more than just a good read. I felt like I couldn't put it down. There are three separate stories in this book, and the ghost's story was my favorite. His life was so sad, and his death so tragic. I hung on every word until the situation was revealed.
Check it out, and read it today. I am ready for the sequel, Passenger. I cannot understand why anyone disliked this book. It had solid prose, exciting scenes, and the writer was able to truly paint a picture in my mind, of the landscape. I vote and give this book a solid 5 out of 5 stars!
That's me as a witch. What do you think? I'm thinking; I hope that is hand lotion inside that cauldron.
Play this creepy music while you read my post.
My hero Stephen King with his creepy gate.
I do not like random visitors.
I want a large, ominous, metal, barbed, spiky, tall, scary looking, fence. I want it all the way around my property, about 2 acres away from my house, encompassed by a moat with hungry monster alligators and piranha inside. I want my house to have alarms, and bells, and whistles, and booby-traps built especially for creepers, that will alert me of a tiny insect crawling in my home. I want locks on every single door, with special keys, made out of gold and silver, with etchings and engravements, and filigree. I want giant lock pads, and lock mechanisms, straight out of a Victorian mystery book. Have you seen the movie Crimson Peak? That's a dream house of mine. Without the death and horror, though. I might like scary movies, but I don't want to live in one.
But I love where I currently live. I live in the middle of town. It's beautiful, and decorated perfectly, and it's like a little piece of London, in the middle of Texas.
But at the moment I hear one shuffle of movement outside, I freak. I turn off all the lights, I hide in the farthest room away from the door. I keep my phone with me, in case. In case what? I have no idea! I keep the house to where no one knows I am home.
I am also that weird person who is either 1. not home on Halloween, or 2. Sets a bowl of candy outside so I don't have to answer the door. I love Halloween, and I decorate for sure. But I don't want you to trick or treat here. I'm a halloween-o-crite. (Halloween hypocrite)
The truth is, I just HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE when people knock on my door. It sends me reeling, makes me jump, and shudder, and ughhhhh. I can't do it.
It's funny. I actually love having company. But only when I ask for it. Only when it is expected, and I have planned and executed a routine before they come. My house will be welcome to those whom I invite. But in the style of a witch herself, you are only welcomed inside if you are previously invited. Do. Not. Show. Up. At. A. Witch's. Door. How dumb are you?
So don't mind me. My house is the one with the cobwebs, spooky trees, huge fence, and bats flying out of my chimney. I wish. It's actually really clean. But I am decorated in Halloween/Gothic/Victorian style all year round.
Just... GO AWAY!!!!!!
On an unrelated note, it's HALLOWEEN THE FIRST!!! Yay! The first day of October has been renamed, in fact, the whole month has a new name. And it is HALLOWEEN. So every day in "October" is Halloween. So, Happy First day of Halloween!!!
Enjoying Boba Tea, one of my absolute favorite things in the world. Riding through Houston with the family.
Play this song while you read my post.
I have learned that it's okay to be "Me". I am goofy, silly, and weird. I love that about myself. (That's me in the middle, on my Wedding Day)
Some deep thoughts have been happening in my head lately due to some recent events in my personal life. I felt it was helpful for me to blog about it.
It's really difficult for me to adjust to life sometimes. I have a lot of people around me who are accustomed to a certain way of thinking. Their own thoughts outweigh the outer perspective. They are unable to think outside their "Self Box". What do I mean? Well, let me explain a bit.
A "Self Box" is a place we live inside of our own minds. We think, act, feel, represent, and express feelings and thoughts that are directly and immediately a result of our reaction to our surroundings. The problem with this is that we fail to see the outer perspective, because we become focused on and entangled inside of our own selves. We are worried about what we feel, what we are doing, and what we are trying to say to other people. It becomes an obsession, this feeling. We want so much to express how we feel inside, because it is our whole experience of the world. We cannot see the world for anything else other than our own eyes.
Do you ever wonder what other people see in you? Your real flaws? Do they matter? Do you want to be able to change them?
Imagine wearing pink sunglasses. If you wear them out in the sun, they may help you with blocking some sunlight. But if you wear them inside the house, everything turns pink. Then you start wearing them to the grocery store. You wear them when doing things around the house. You begin to only see things with red glasses. You become dependent on the way the world looks, feels, and you perceive it when they are on your eyes. Now, the entire world is pink. If you take them off, you can't think of anything but how the world looks when it is pink.
This is what happens when we focus too much on problems in our lives. We turn inward, and then the outside just looks like a reflection of our feelings on the inside. Our friends, family, co-workers, and strangers, all have a tint on them now. A part of me is in you, and this is now always. Your hair, teeth, clothes, actions, decisions - You now only see yourself in other people's lives. You fail to see them as their own person. For example, "Jenny's hair is so pretty. Mine is stringy and unmanageble. I wish I had Jenny's hair". Well, what are you doing about that, to make your hair look pretty like you want it to? Have you done anything at all to change your hair? "James has the ugliest clothes. He has no idea how to dress!" Have you ever tried considering that maybe James has all hand-me-down or resale shop clothing? What about the fact that maybe James' wife buys all of his clothing? What if he is struggling so much financially, that his clothes have been the same for over 10 years? You could be a gracious person and buy him clothing gift cards for holidays and birthdays. Think outside your self box.
The problem I have with this, is that we become blinded to other people around us.
Maybe when you were little, you had a horrible thing happen to you. Something that you still to this day, have a hard time remembering. Maybe it shaped you, molded you, and created you. Sometimes when you think about it, you cry. I did. I had something really horrible happen to me. I grew up with the knowledge that what happened, was unforgivable. That it wasn't natural, and it would never go away.
For some reason, I was born with an incredible gift of understanding. Maybe it was this event, that happened when I was very very young, that shaped me into being able to have this ability to understand. I was so young that I wouldn't remember being this way before then. But I don't believe that. Not long after it happened to me, I became strong. I was defiant. I had my own way of doing things, and no one was going to stop me. I don't ever remember a time when I actually sat there, paralyzed, by what had happened to me. Others around me were. Others around me were devastated, and focused on it. More so than I ever did, myself.
And now that I am an adult, I realize that I have developed some seriously great coping skills in my life. I could have crumbled, could have become addicted to something, could have seriously hurt myself.
TODAY I FEEL GREAT!!! I will celebrate that it's been a long time since I have been upset and hurting. Life is GOOD.
I have gone through a lot in my life. I don't want to sit here and count out all of the pain.
Years ago, I was depressed. Suicidal. Hurting so much. I never knew why. I never understood what was going on with me. I learned with time, that my problems were mostly chemical. Sometimes situational, also. It is really hard to overcome that. But you know, somewhere deep inside me was this growing beautiful plant of love, and hope. I have always had it. I have this hope that just fills my insides, and has grown inside of my heart and brain. It has taken years for it to start to mature, but now I feel hope every day.
I am beyond the thoughts of despair and doom. However, that doesn't mean I don't have times when I feel down or sad.
I made a choice.
I really want you to read that last statement. I made the choice to be happy. I chose to dwell on the good in my life. I chose to be happy, every day, no matter who I had to cut out of my life. No matter who I had to sever - because trust me, I lost friends, family, and toxic people. I made a conscious effort, and do every day, to force myself to feel the best I can possibly feel.
If it doesn't serve my heart, it's gone. If it doesn't make me smile, I don't do it. If it wastes my time, I don't do it. If it doesn't make me HAPPY, I don't want it.
This took me years on my own. It is a struggle every single day to choose this. I am sure if I had gone to therapy, or taken some pills, it would dumb it down a bit more and I could reach that state quicker. But I am stubborn sometimes, and this had to be a choice for me. I wanted to choose happiness over anything else in the world.
So what is inside of your "Self Box"? Is it sorrow, despair, toxicity, hatred? Is it happiness, joy, love, and fulfillment? Is it laziness, apathy, lack of desire?
You choose. Do you give up on life, because it is way too hard to look at yourself in the mirror? Do you face your demons, demand they calm the hell down, and get rid of them or fight them til they are under your own power?
You can face it, or you can ignore it. The choice is yours.
All I know, is the people I want in my life are like me. They see themselves. They see what they need to change. They may not be there yet, but they are always striving for more. Always trying to be better. Always wanting the best things in life.
One of the most important lessons out of all of this for me was this: Once you can look in the mirror and love who and what you see, you have become. Once you accept, define, and love yourself, you are finally able to fly. The freedom in that is indescribable. You just have to get there. Then you will start noticing things begin to fall into place around you. Life begins to mold to your will, and to your desires. Watch it happen.
What matters to me is happiness and love. I will always reach for it.
Will you? NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!!
DivineDoom means more to me than a blogger name. I have spent so many years of my life wondering, searching, and hurting. One day with my own desire and my own determination, I was able to see the Divine in the Doom of my world. Sometimes the Doom and Gloom of the world is too much to handle. But I will always seek the Divine, and find it in everything. Also, thank you - to everyone who has ever taught me a lesson, just by being in my life. Good or evil, cause Gods know there are both kinds of you, you helped me.
Please ask for help, if you need it. If you feel suicidal, the Suicide Helpline is amazing. They pulled me through my darkest time. Call 1-800-273-8255 They can even chat online with you. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org Look for friends who lift you up, love you, and don't judge you. Accept who you are and find a way to love yourself, no matter what. Look in the mirror, see your flaws, love them, accept them, fix the ones you can, love the ones you can't. You are amazing, beautiful, and YOU CAN DO IT! You can have exactly what you want. NOW GO AND GET IT!!!!!!
I choose to love my life, and I no longer settle for less!
My husband Danny, and Me. We are always like this, kinda sorta always 100% goofballs.
So I think I have an obsession. I feel I first need to explain that I don't get obsessed over much. I can honestly say I am pretty good about not getting overboard with things, and I do honestly keep everything on a healthy responsible level. Hell, I can't even smoke cigarettes right.
But I can't stop buying Stephen King novels.
If you don't know me, you won't know that I work in a(n awesome) Library. I am surrounded by books. Every day.
Every time a Stephen King novel comes around I dance inside. No one knows this, however, my bosses are kind of embarrassed of me I am sure. I always do a little jig and go a bit overboard with enthusiasm. "It's a Stephen King novel!" Inside I am like (*!!!!!!!!!!!*) I bet my boss is sick of hearing about it.
So how far does this obsession go, you ask? Well let me tell you!
I have a collection of all of his movies. If I have not seen it, it's in my Netflix queue, or in my DVD collection, or in my Amazon cart as we speak.
I probably own every book. If I don't, it's because I haven't heard of it yet, or it hasn't circulated out of or into the Library for my purchase. I have an upstairs bookshelf that is 50% Stephen King novels. I will seriously buy them in paperback AND in hardback. Just to say I have the "special edition". I have only read some of them. My all-time favorite movie is Pet Sematary. Tied in first is The Shining.
What is scary, is that before I made this list and blog post, I actually didn't know how serious my addiction to Stephen King actually was.
I never ever saw myself as a super-fan. Of anything! I have always been way too cool for that. But alas, I have succumbed. To the ever-weird and ever-strange man who is just like me - Strange, odd, and sees the weird in everything.
And the song? Oh my God! How much it speaks to me, and resonates in my soul. It's so utterly beautiful, creepy, and delightful. The movie as well.
I guess I have a real problem. Or maybe you do. Because you don't get it.
Stephen King does.
Do you love him, too? Tell me about your Stephen King fanaticism in the comments! (And listen to the whole song. It's wonderful.)
YES!! But #2 was rubbish. 1 is still my fav movie, tho!!!! <3
Have you ever looked in your closet and thought, "Oh my God. I have nothing to wear"? And it's not really the fact that you have nothing, but more that you have way too many items in your closet to even think about how the heck they match or go together in an outfit.
If you are like me, you stare and stare at the clothes hanging there, and start to feel a myriad of crazy feelings about getting dressed. I call this, "Clothing Overwhelmia". *side note, I am not and will never be the person who picks my outfit the night before. Don't even recommend this to me! I have tried it. For some reason I prefer rushing around like a maniac in the mornings, and this is usually before I have even had my morning coffee. Eh, at least I show up to work dressed?
I recently acquired some hand-me-down clothing. I was so grateful for these clothes, because for one thing, I was not able to get to the store and buy anything new, and for another, these were some expensive and nice clothes, which was perfect for work. But the bags of clothes kept coming. And coming. AND coming. I ended up with 30 bags of clothes. Some of them came from my best friend, who is a businesswoman, and her clothes were awesome for my job as a Library Clerk. Score! Some of them were from an acquaintance, and were way too small, or skimpy for my liking. Bye! Some of them were from my Grandmother, who recently passed away. She had style! I kept most of those.
By the time I was done sifting through the bags and piles, I had not even realized how many items of clothing I had accumulated. I'm a super busy woman. Not only do I work as a Clerk in the most awesome Library ever, but I also own a Tour Company. So this makes me so busy I don't always have time to do things around the house, like... um... laundry.
So it's time to do laundry after it's been a couple of weeks and while we may have cleaned some undies and some towels and socks... ya know, cause, we need those every day... I realize HOLY CRAP. Where the HELL did all of these clothes come from?????????
I have clothes in my room, on the floor, piled three feet high. There are clothes piled up in the hamper, to the brim. There are clothes in our guest room, filling every corner, and overflowing in baskets. We have clothes on the floor in the bathroom, recently discarded for showers. There are clothes in my car. There. Are. Clothes. In. My. Kitchen.
I think we have a problem here.
So I know what you're thinking. How could I never notice all of the clothes have accumulated like that? Well, of course I did! But when your BFF, and awesome G-Ma have given you their clothes, how can you just throw them out? It's not like it's easy to look at Gramma's shirt and say "oh I don't need that". You kinda feel obligated to try and keep some of it.
But the harsh truth, that for some reason has been too hard for me to accept, is that I do not NEED these clothes. I did not pick them out. They don't fit me. They are too small, or too big, or ugly, or not my style. Some of them, yes, are awesome. I can keep those. But I am finally realizing, this is not cool. My house is overrun with clothes! I can't move two feet without meeting a monster pile of clothes I will never wear!
So this week, my goal is to bag everything up, and take it to the local charity.
So why do we do this? Why can't we let go of stuff? It's just stuff, right? Well, yeah. It is. But what about that collection of baseball cards you have kept since you were 7 years old, that sits in a box under your bed? Or what about those old photos of your exes, that you just won't throw out (I burned all of mine)? And I just know some of you hang on to that old pair of jeans you wore before you had kids, that sits in the back of your closet because there is a part of you that just *knows* you will be able to wear them again. Yeaaaaahhhh.....
So why won't you throw these things away? I think we fear that if we throw certain items away, we will lose the memories attached to them. We will offend some cosmic energy of the world and it will fragment the memories of these events attached to these items. We create this sacred feeling over the items, and it becomes a part of us.
What I have learned in my short life, is that it's just stuff. Those memories will never go away. And it's okay to keep one or two of those items. It's healthy to want to hold on to what matters to us. But when we go overboard and we become obsessed with keeping things that really do not serve any purpose but to take up space in our homes, we begin to see how this can be a problem.
This makes me want to go on a rant about how people are also like these clothing problems. *Cough* I won't, though.
Then you know what I did yesterday? Yeah. I did it. I bought new lace leggings, and cute black shoes. Yep. And it's the first thing I picked out myself in a few years. It made me realize I need to get rid of what I don't want, and buy what makes me feel good.
So this weekend is operation get rid of shit day! Yes ma'am. Now I am gonna go play World of Warcraft and pretend the mountains of clothes don't exist. At least, until tomorrow.
I'm not really even sure what this means, or if it even means anything.
I grew up with a mother who was a Germophobe. If you are unaware of what that means, look here:
germ·o·phobe ˈjərməˌfōb/ noun noun: germaphobe
a person with an extreme fear of germs and an obsession with cleanliness. "I'm not a germophobe, but everyone knows that hotel remote controls are never cleaned and are probably filthy"
Yeah. That is my mother.
I can honestly say, she may never have realized, or admitted to this. However, as a Virgo, it really meant something to me. It resonnated with my heart and soul. It was everything inside of me.
Ya'll know that saying "Cleanliness is next to Godliness"? Well, I am a Goddess, and I am the cleanest Mother***er you will ever meet.
Do you know why?
She always made me wash my hands. She obsessed over if something was clean enough. She worried about me dropping things on the floor. She always made me wash before, after, and during dinner. She was more than obsessed about what I put in my mouth. She still, to this day, worries about what the health content is in every single item of food drink or mineral that touches her lips or mine.
Don't worry and don't fret Mom, I love you, and I am happy for my phobia of Germs.
I think with or without you, being Virgo, I would have worried non-stop about it. (read more on Virgos, we are naturally obsessed with being clean)
On a daily basis I wash my hands about 20-50 times, depending on what I am doing. I wash books off, any time there's a slight bit of germs. What's wonderful about my job is it is a requirement for me to wash, sanitize, and dust on a normal basis, all of the books shelves and items. I cannot express how much this supplies relief and happiness to my germophobic soul.
However, I TRY SO HARD SO. HARD. To not give a shit. Because of this, I force myself to believe in the 5 second rule. (BECAUSE THE MYTHBUSTERS TOLD ME I WON'T DIE. UGHHHHHHHH) However, that doesn't mean I am not thinking about all the bacteria that could be swarming the toast in just one second of contact with the floor...
You smell funny. Let me get my Lysol.
You seriously smell weird. Have you heard of the shower? Speaking of this... My husband gives me crap about my 20 minute showers. Someone PLEASE tell him that is NORMAL! Especially for someone who is obsessed with soap.