Play this song while you read my post.Some deep thoughts have been happening in my head lately due to some recent events in my personal life. I felt it was helpful for me to blog about it. It's really difficult for me to adjust to life sometimes. I have a lot of people around me who are accustomed to a certain way of thinking. Their own thoughts outweigh the outer perspective. They are unable to think outside their "Self Box". What do I mean? Well, let me explain a bit. A "Self Box" is a place we live inside of our own minds. We think, act, feel, represent, and express feelings and thoughts that are directly and immediately a result of our reaction to our surroundings. The problem with this is that we fail to see the outer perspective, because we become focused on and entangled inside of our own selves. We are worried about what we feel, what we are doing, and what we are trying to say to other people. It becomes an obsession, this feeling. We want so much to express how we feel inside, because it is our whole experience of the world. We cannot see the world for anything else other than our own eyes. Do you ever wonder what other people see in you? Your real flaws? Do they matter? Do you want to be able to change them? Imagine wearing pink sunglasses. If you wear them out in the sun, they may help you with blocking some sunlight. But if you wear them inside the house, everything turns pink. Then you start wearing them to the grocery store. You wear them when doing things around the house. You begin to only see things with red glasses. You become dependent on the way the world looks, feels, and you perceive it when they are on your eyes. Now, the entire world is pink. If you take them off, you can't think of anything but how the world looks when it is pink. This is what happens when we focus too much on problems in our lives. We turn inward, and then the outside just looks like a reflection of our feelings on the inside. Our friends, family, co-workers, and strangers, all have a tint on them now. A part of me is in you, and this is now always. Your hair, teeth, clothes, actions, decisions - You now only see yourself in other people's lives. You fail to see them as their own person. For example, "Jenny's hair is so pretty. Mine is stringy and unmanageble. I wish I had Jenny's hair". Well, what are you doing about that, to make your hair look pretty like you want it to? Have you done anything at all to change your hair? "James has the ugliest clothes. He has no idea how to dress!" Have you ever tried considering that maybe James has all hand-me-down or resale shop clothing? What about the fact that maybe James' wife buys all of his clothing? What if he is struggling so much financially, that his clothes have been the same for over 10 years? You could be a gracious person and buy him clothing gift cards for holidays and birthdays. Think outside your self box. The problem I have with this, is that we become blinded to other people around us. Maybe when you were little, you had a horrible thing happen to you. Something that you still to this day, have a hard time remembering. Maybe it shaped you, molded you, and created you. Sometimes when you think about it, you cry. I did. I had something really horrible happen to me. I grew up with the knowledge that what happened, was unforgivable. That it wasn't natural, and it would never go away. For some reason, I was born with an incredible gift of understanding. Maybe it was this event, that happened when I was very very young, that shaped me into being able to have this ability to understand. I was so young that I wouldn't remember being this way before then. But I don't believe that. Not long after it happened to me, I became strong. I was defiant. I had my own way of doing things, and no one was going to stop me. I don't ever remember a time when I actually sat there, paralyzed, by what had happened to me. Others around me were. Others around me were devastated, and focused on it. More so than I ever did, myself. And now that I am an adult, I realize that I have developed some seriously great coping skills in my life. I could have crumbled, could have become addicted to something, could have seriously hurt myself. TODAY I FEEL GREAT!!! I will celebrate that it's been a long time since I have been upset and hurting. Life is GOOD. I have gone through a lot in my life. I don't want to sit here and count out all of the pain. Years ago, I was depressed. Suicidal. Hurting so much. I never knew why. I never understood what was going on with me. I learned with time, that my problems were mostly chemical. Sometimes situational, also. It is really hard to overcome that. But you know, somewhere deep inside me was this growing beautiful plant of love, and hope. I have always had it. I have this hope that just fills my insides, and has grown inside of my heart and brain. It has taken years for it to start to mature, but now I feel hope every day. I am beyond the thoughts of despair and doom. However, that doesn't mean I don't have times when I feel down or sad. I made a choice. I really want you to read that last statement. I made the choice to be happy. I chose to dwell on the good in my life. I chose to be happy, every day, no matter who I had to cut out of my life. No matter who I had to sever - because trust me, I lost friends, family, and toxic people. I made a conscious effort, and do every day, to force myself to feel the best I can possibly feel. If it doesn't serve my heart, it's gone. If it doesn't make me smile, I don't do it. If it wastes my time, I don't do it. If it doesn't make me HAPPY, I don't want it. This took me years on my own. It is a struggle every single day to choose this. I am sure if I had gone to therapy, or taken some pills, it would dumb it down a bit more and I could reach that state quicker. But I am stubborn sometimes, and this had to be a choice for me. I wanted to choose happiness over anything else in the world. So what is inside of your "Self Box"? Is it sorrow, despair, toxicity, hatred? Is it happiness, joy, love, and fulfillment? Is it laziness, apathy, lack of desire? You choose. Do you give up on life, because it is way too hard to look at yourself in the mirror? Do you face your demons, demand they calm the hell down, and get rid of them or fight them til they are under your own power? You can face it, or you can ignore it. The choice is yours. All I know, is the people I want in my life are like me. They see themselves. They see what they need to change. They may not be there yet, but they are always striving for more. Always trying to be better. Always wanting the best things in life. One of the most important lessons out of all of this for me was this: Once you can look in the mirror and love who and what you see, you have become. Once you accept, define, and love yourself, you are finally able to fly. The freedom in that is indescribable. You just have to get there. Then you will start noticing things begin to fall into place around you. Life begins to mold to your will, and to your desires. Watch it happen. What matters to me is happiness and love. I will always reach for it. Will you? NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!! --Love, DivineDoom DivineDoom means more to me than a blogger name. I have spent so many years of my life wondering, searching, and hurting. One day with my own desire and my own determination, I was able to see the Divine in the Doom of my world. Sometimes the Doom and Gloom of the world is too much to handle. But I will always seek the Divine, and find it in everything. Also, thank you - to everyone who has ever taught me a lesson, just by being in my life. Good or evil, cause Gods know there are both kinds of you, you helped me. Please ask for help, if you need it. If you feel suicidal, the Suicide Helpline is amazing. They pulled me through my darkest time. Call 1-800-273-8255 They can even chat online with you. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org Look for friends who lift you up, love you, and don't judge you. Accept who you are and find a way to love yourself, no matter what. Look in the mirror, see your flaws, love them, accept them, fix the ones you can, love the ones you can't. You are amazing, beautiful, and YOU CAN DO IT! You can have exactly what you want. NOW GO AND GET IT!!!!!! I choose to love my life, and I no longer settle for less!I LAUGH EVERY DAMN DAY!!!
1 Comment
CJ
10/27/2017 10:01:25 am
I was in the middle of booking a ghost tour. I clicked on the 'Guides' heading & saw the letter "L." I clicked on that & here I am: Sitting dumbfounded at how I arrived here reading your entry, "Living in a Self-Box", reading what could very well be a page ripped from my own journal... up until finding the happy little pill, per se. I'm still trudging down the obstacle-ridden road to resolution, the path that will provoke the right kind of change, in me. I appreciate your words of wisdom, of insight. The conscious choice to nurture my spirit & take action to create a positive change is arduous at best. My earnest attempts are so fickle I am constantly set adrift. I so hope that some day soon it will finally stick & I'll be found, & realize fulfillment, forgiveness... freedom. Thank you again for your words of encouragement blogged over a year ago. It couldn't have come a better time.
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